Shy or social anxiety: this is a common doubt many people ponder when certain actions don’t make sense. Suppose you are handed the wrong drink at the coffee shop, and if you are shy, chances are you will keep that order to avoid any awkwardness.
Similarly, if you have social anxiety, maybe you don’t say anything to the barista and move on. The reason, however, could be that you are afraid that changing the drink will cause inconvenience to others, and they will judge you as being picky. Both conditions can look similar on the surface.
According to StatPearls, social anxiety can be characterised as having a strong fear in social situations where a person may or may not be under scrutiny. Such situations tend to make the individual excessively anxious about humiliation or negative judgment and to make social interaction seem difficult.
Social situations may include:
- Meeting new people
- Attending crowded parties
- Making small talk
- Speaking in meetings
- Eating in public
- Returning incorrect orders
National Comorbidity Survey Replication (NCS-R) data states that roughly 12.1% of American adults experience social anxiety disorder at some point in their lives. Around 9.1% of adolescents had the disorder, according to the National Comorbidity Survey Adolescent Supplement (NCS-A).
While social anxiety can affect a person of any age, it usually begins in childhood and may be mistaken for shyness. Shyness can be defined as a personality trait in which an individual feels nervous and uncomfortable with others. Given the overlap, it is not easy to identify whether it’s shy or social anxiety.
Whether you are unsure about your experiences or simply curious about the subject, this blog is for you. The following sections will explain what shyness is, differences between shy and social anxiety, and when professional support may be needed.
What does being shy mean?
Now that you have an idea of what shyness means, let us look at what being shy can actually look like. Shy individuals usually take some time to adjust in new places. Shy people often observe first, then participate, especially when there are few known people around.
For instance, when you start a new job, it can be difficult to become comfortable with your colleagues on the very first day, as you are unaware of their personality and intentions. As you get to know them, you may find out who you like spending time with.
Some people misunderstand this time-taking to warm up. They may think the shy person is not interested in bonding with others. Being shy doesn’t mean the person doesn’t enjoy others’ company. You can be shy and still want friendships, dates, and a lively social circle.
This desire, however, sometimes coexists with hesitancy. Some shy people thus prefer to remain out of the spotlight. They could listen more when they interact or feel better if others approach them, as they could be unsure whether to initiate the conversation.
Every shy person has varying experiences. For some, it is not much of an issue. For others, shyness can create social struggles. When it begins to interfere with daily life frequently, it is worth considering if it could be something other than shyness
How social anxiety affects daily life?
Social anxiety, or previously known as social phobia, can severely disrupt one’s day-to-day functioning. Children can struggle to make friends or even ask questions when they don’t understand something well. For some, their condition may be so severe that they are unable to make eye contact with their peers and teachers. Online accounts note how students skipped classes, and some even stopped attending school altogether due to social anxiety.
Avoidance in the workplace can be difficult as factors like shelter and financial security depend on it. It’s not that adults are less anxious in social settings. Some try to mask their stress because of concerns like “If others see my nervousness, I’ll be considered incompetent.” Some could rely on certain safety behaviors such as rehearsing first and then speaking.
The disorder can affect one’s success at work. For instance, an employee keeps his opinion to himself and passes up any opportunity to progress in his career if the role involves more interaction with people. Social anxiety also bears its mark on one’s relationships. Socially anxious individuals often avoid social gatherings so they don’t feel anxious. This may create frustration and loneliness over time.
The anxiety can continue even after the conversation is done. Some people keep thinking about the interactions to review their performance. Sometimes this post-event processing reinforces negative beliefs about social interactions and makes people more anxious in future events.
How social anxiety affects daily life also varies from person to person. While the intense fear can impair functioning, it can also be mild enough to go unrecognized. This is why it’s crucial to understand how exactly social anxiety differs from shyness.
Difference between shyness and social anxiety
Shyness | Social Anxiety |
Shyness is usually a personality characteristic. It can be a part of one’s communication style. | Social anxiety is a recognized mental health disorder. To have the condition, one needs to meet the diagnostic criteria set by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM-5. |
Shyness doesn’t necessarily cause significant disruption in everyday life. The person can manage to fulfill their responsibilities. | Social anxiety usually involves great distress and interferes with daily duties. |
Shy people can blush slightly, sweat, or have stomach distress. | Physical symptoms of social anxiety can include a racing heart, trembling, and nausea. |
A person can be shy due to genetics, temperament, or environmental reasons. | Genetics, past trauma or other negative experiences, parenting approaches, and environmental factors can contribute to social anxiety. |
Because shyness is not a disorder by itself, comorbidity doesn’t apply to it. | Social anxiety may occur alongside other psychiatric conditions like depression and panic disorder. |
Getting help for social anxiety
It can be confusing to know at which point one should seek help for social anxiety. In reality, there’s no fixed threshold. Still consider getting evaluated when:
- You are experiencing anxiety frequently
- Avoidance is becoming a pattern
- Anxiety symptoms aren’t getting better
- You can no longer manage it on your own
These situations are only to help you recognize when you may consider seeking help. You don’t have to wait for your discomfort to become intolerable and can speak with a psychiatrist any time you want, even if it is to understand your condition better. A consultation doesn’t inherently mean there is something wrong with you.
Social phobia treatment
A psychiatrist can recommend cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Structured CBT typically consists of weekly sessions over time. CBT, which researchers often refer to as the “gold standard” psychotherapy, involves changing how one thinks and reacts to social situations to change how they feel about it.
For instance, if your belief is “I must have said something wrong at the family event. That’s why my parents have not yet texted me back.” CBT helps you focus on alternative and more balanced thinking like “Mom, Dad could be busy or may not have seen the message. I don’t think I said anything wrong. Still, if I came across wrong, I can clarify later.”
Exposure therapy as part of CBT is often suggested for social anxiety. A socially anxious individual deliberately engages in events that make them anxious. This is usually done gradually at one’s own pace and often alongside relaxation techniques so the person doesn’t get overwhelmed.
Medications are also available for social anxiety treatment either with or without therapy. They are suggested depending on the severity of the condition and the patient’s preferences. Sometimes therapy and medication can be used together for better results.
Antidepressants like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs) can help. SSRIs are commonly prescribed medications for social anxiety. Antidepressants may take weeks before their effects are noticed and may have mild side effects (nausea and headache).
Beta blockers can help with the physical symptoms of the anxiety disorder, especially in performance situations. Anxiolytics like benzodiazepines can act almost immediately to reduce anxiety symptoms.
They are, however, generally prescribed for short durations as they can lead to the development of tolerance and dependence in some people. Alongside therapy and medications, the intervention can include group therapy, social skills training, a healthy diet, sleep habits, and breathing exercises.
While there are several approaches available, your social anxiety treatment needs to be personalized to your needs; only after a complete assessment will your mental health professional create your treatment plan.
Getting a diagnosis isn’t the end. To help you overcome social anxiety, a good psychiatrist guides you throughout the course of treatment. Being in constant touch with them is important, as the approach can change as you progress.
If taking the time to visit an in-person psychiatrist or leaving your comfort zone proves to be a challenge, you may consult with an online psychiatrist using services like GABA Telepsychiatry.
Clarity gives relief
Something is reassuring about being able to put a name on what was difficult to understand. It isn’t about labelling anyone. One’s experiences can hardly be put into a label after all. It is about clarity, finally understanding “why”; it is about not having to figure it out alone anymore.
The question isn’t always “Am I shy enough?” or “Am I anxious enough to seek support?” If social situations have repeatedly been terrifying, or you wish making bonds were easier, you perhaps have the answer.
Not every uncomfortable moment indicates a social anxiety diagnosis. Similarly, just because others don’t face issues in dealing with others, you shouldn’t dismiss your feelings. They are important and deserve to be understood. And if you need help to make sense of your emotions, it is available.
Reference:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK555890/
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https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12423741/
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https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3086562/
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/social-anxiety-disorder-more-than-just-shyness
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https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/social-anxiety-disorder-more-than-just-shyness
