Parental Alienation
Richard Gardner in 1985 coined the concept of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), a framework that has since influenced discussions and approaches in parental alienation treatment.
What is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation is a term commonly used in child custody cases, referring to a situation where one parent manipulates a child to reject, fear, or show hostility toward the other parent, with the intent of harming that parent, making parental alienation treatment crucial in addressing the psychological impact on the affected child.
This behavior often occurs in the context of divorce or separation, where the alienating parent engages in actions that undermine the child’s relationship with the other parent.
Ideally, this means letting the child choose one parent instead of the other. Later on, this can lead to estrangement or alienation.
Parental alienation is a serious and harmful phenomenon that can profoundly impact the lives of those involved, with particularly damaging effects on children.
Symptoms of Parental Alienation
A campaign of denigration
This means that child constantly defames or criticizes the alienated parent unreasonably. It's the common parental alienation symptom.
The presence of borrowed scenarios
When the child believes in stories where the targeted parent has been misrepresented. This is also a common parental alienation symptom.
Reflexive support of the alienating parent in the parental conflict
This means during the parents’ conflict, the child is supportive of the alienating parent.
Absence of guilt over cruelty to and/or exploitation of the alienated parent
When the child throws hateful or belittling comments on the targeted parent, she or he experiences the absence of guilt in doing so.
Weak, absurd, or frivolous rationalizations for the deprecation
The child typically gives superficial or frivolous reasons for not wanting to be in relation with the unfavored parent attacks.
The independent-thinker phenomenon
When the child terms their resistance to seeing the unfavored parent is not the result of other the parent’s influence, but their independent thought.
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) describes a pattern of behavior in which a parent systematically alienates a child from the other parent, typically through manipulation and false accusations. As a result, the child rejects or becomes hostile toward the other parent, leading to estrangement and emotional harm.
Children impacted by Parental Alienation Syndrome often have mixed feelings about their parents, which can make them unsure about who they are and their role in the family, often requiring parental alienation treatment to address these deep-seated issues. The child might feel torn between their parents and struggle to understand their own identity.
The continued stress and emotional upset from this separation can harm the child’s emotional health, causing them to have a weaker sense of who they are and a confused view of their family relationships.
The alienating parent plays a key and often manipulative role. They work to damage the relationship between their child and the other parent by using various tactics. These can include speaking negatively about the other parent, making false claims, or manipulating emotions to create resentment and distrust.
While the alienating parent may claim to be protecting the child, their true goal is to control the child’s feelings and views. This behavior not only hurts the targeted parent but can also negatively affect the child’s emotional and psychological health, making it harder for them to build healthy relationships and trust others in the future.
Symptoms of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)
Lack of ambivalence
The child views the less favored parent as wholly negative, with no positive or redeeming attributes.
Spread of the animosity
Spreading animosity involves directing resentment towards the friends and/or extended family of the alienated parent.
A campaign of denigration
A campaign of denigration involves a child persistently and unfairly criticizing or defaming the alienated parent. This behavior is a common symptom of parental alienation syndrome.
The presence of borrowed scenarios
This happens when a child develops beliefs influenced by false or distorted narratives about the targeted parent. It is a common symptom of parental alienation syndrome.
The independent-thinker phenomenon
The independent-thinker phenomenon happens when a child believes their reluctance to visit the less favored parent is due to their own independent judgment, rather than being influenced by the other parent’s manipulation.
Weak, absurd, or frivolous rationalizations for the deprecation
The child frequently provides superficial or trivial excuses for avoiding interaction or maintaining contact with the parent they prefer not to be with.
Reflexive support of the alienating parent in the parental conflict
This refers to the child’s inclination to align with the alienating parent during conflicts between the parents.
Absence of guilt over cruelty to and/or exploitation of the alienated parent
Parental Alienation Psychiatrist
Board Certified Psychiatrist with Multiple State Licenses MBBS (MD)
My name is Dr Reddy, and quite by accident I started completing fitness to parent evaluations. During this process, I became involved with some heartbreaking parental alienation cases. As well as unification therapy, we are able to complete evaluations and consult for attorneys at a very reasonable price. The parental alienation reports save clients tens of thousands on legal fees, years in the court, and a lot of heart break.
Often the process goes on for years, and the child or children are already in their late teens by the time the court catches up and visitation or therapy is enforced. I love parental alienation work , because there is a crying need, and the chance to unite children with parents, via unification therapy, helping the courts and judges understand and enforcing healthy co- parenting practices.
The purpose of intervention is to prevent permanent alienation. It requires a keen eye, and experience to review all the records, text messages, emails observe behavior patterns , both with regards to alienating parents, and alienated children. We also work closely with alienated parents who often lose hope and confidence, and present with depression, anxiety, PTSD.
Many alienated parents report years of abuse during their marriage, which continues following divorce or partner separation through withholding, slander, campaign of defamation , and alienation of children. As well as counseling we teach parents not to react , and modify behaviors which may make them targets for alienation such as strict parenting, and tech parents to communicate with their children.
My team and I look forward to welcoming you to our practice.
Medical School
The United Medical Dental Schools of Guys Kings and St Thomas’ at King’s College London
Psychiatry Residency Training
Mount Sinai School of Medicine, New York
Psychodynamic Psychotherapy Training
NYU Psychoanalytic Institute
Board Certification
American Board of Psychiatry Neurology
Schedule an Appointment with one of our Parental Alienation Psychiatrists
Clinical Services: California, Florida, Illinois, New Jersey, New York, South Carolina, Tennessee
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Difference between
Estrangement and Alienation
Estrangement
Refers to a child’s rejection of a parent that is justified as a consequence of the rejected parent’s history of family violence, abuse, and neglect (Johnston, 2005).
Alienation
Refers to a child rejecting one of the parents without a valid reason.
Different ways one parent is alienating the child from the other parent
- Telling the child, the other parent doesn’t care about them (quoting twisted scenarios)
- Parent moving out of the house or changing locations with the child
- Not letting the unfavored parent and the child keep any contact via phone or any other means
- Making the child fearful of the other parent
- Not keeping the other parent informed of the child’s developments
- Brainwashing the child so that he or she starts hating the other parent. It's the common act during parental alienation
Watch out for the following signs in children that may need to be addressed immediately
- Requests from them not to attend activities they should be participating in
- Requests from them not to contact people or stakeholders in their lives – like their friends, teachers, schoolmates and so on
- They display argumentative behaviors most of the time, regardless of the situation
- They fail to identify positive qualities or actions by you
- Not keeping the other parent informed of the child’s developments
- Responding with defiance or oppositional behavior to anything you say or ask for
Impact of Parental Alienation
Exposure to toxic stress caused by this phenomenon has long-lasting effects on a child’s mind. It is damaging to the developing brain of children and the intensity of practiced parental alienation is closely regarded as abuse or violence as well. There is no scholarly consensus that severe alienation is abusive to children (Fidler and Bala, 2010), and is a largely overlooked form of child abuse (Bernet et al, 2010), as child welfare and divorce practitioners are often unaware of or minimize its extent.
Children if in case, stay with this alienating parent, they will be completely dependent on this parent who could be very controlling of what the children think or feel at all times.
Children actively experiencing parental alienation takes lots of efforts to even realize what is going wrong and coming out of it usually takes a very long time with regular therapy.
Effects of Parental Alienation Syndrome
On Children:
Fear of Abandonment – The child may feel insecure, fearing they’ll lose the alienating parent’s love and support if they show any positive feelings toward the alienated parent.
Loss of Parental Relationship – Alienation from one parent can cause feelings of loss, grief, and sadness, similar to bereavement, as the child is losing a crucial relationship.
Memory Distortion – Children may confuse real and false memories of the alienated parent due to the alienating parent’s influence.
Social Withdrawal – Children might withdraw from social activities due to feeling misunderstood, leading to loneliness and isolation.
Insecure Attachment – Parental Alienation Syndrome may lead to insecure attachment and emotional closeness issues in children.
Low Self-Esteem – Internalizing blame and guilt can lead to a lasting negative self-image, damaging the child’s confidence and self-esteem.
On the Alienated Parent:
Guilt and Self-Blame – Alienated parents may feel guilty and self-blaming, doubting their parenting skills and wondering if they could have prevented the estrangement.
Post-Traumatic Stress – In severe cases, feeling estranged from a child can cause PTSD-like symptoms, including intrusive thoughts, heightened alertness, and emotional numbness.
Strain on Social Relationships – Parental Alienation Syndrome can strain relationships with friends and family, as alienated parents may avoid social events and struggle to stay connected.
Marital Strain – If the alienated parent is in a relationship, Parental Alienation Syndrome can strain it. Disagreements on handling the situation, financial pressures, and emotional stress may lead to marital discord or separation.
Diminished Parental Role – Alienated parents may feel helpless and frustrated from missing important milestones and daily moments, impacting their ability to support and guide their child.
Is Parental Alienation based on Gender?
No, this could be practiced by either males or females. Studies suggest that females express their aggression indirectly, thus engaging more in gossips, spreading rumors, undermining the reputation of people they dislike, while males express aggression both directly and indirectly.
The Impact of Parental Alienation on the Targeted Parent:
The targeted parent usually experiences depressive moods, trauma symptoms, or even Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and in extreme vulnerabilities even suicidal ideation. Divorce or separation is already a draining process and when it is topped with a child custody battle with an ex-partner it can be a life-stirring phenomenon.
Parental Alienation Treatment
Parental alienation treatment will depend on the severity of parental alienation experienced by the child.
If parental alienation is of mild intensity, the child can benefit from parenting time and psychoeducation. In cases of moderate intensity, the child will benefit from regular counseling and joint sessions by the parenting coordinator to minimize the exposure of parental conflicts and improve communication.
However, this is subject to the agreement of both parents in owning the joint responsibility of their child’s mental health.
Parental alienation treatment aims to address the root causes of alienation and rebuild the disrupted relationship between parent and child. Effective parental alienation treatment focuses on healing the rift and restoring the child’s connection with both parents.
Parenting Time
Regular parenting time supports the child's ability to rebuild and sustain a relationship with the alienated parent. This parental alienation treatment option could help counteract the alienation efforts of the other parent. The focus should be on fostering quality interactions during parenting time. Parents are encouraged to participate in activities that enhance the bond and create positive experiences.
Unification Therapy
Unification Therapy is another parental alienation treatment option that assists the child in rebuilding a healthy and positive relationship with the estranged parent. It involves addressing and resolving the psychological and emotional issues that are contributing to the alienation. It focuses on improving communication, understanding each other’s perspectives, and rebuilding trust.
Psychoeducation
One of the parental alienation treatment options include Psychotherapy. Psychotherapy offers both parent and the child an insight into Parental Alienation Syndrome, covering its symptoms, causes, and impact on children and family dynamics. It aids parents in recognizing and understanding alienating behaviors and their effects on the child's mental health and overall well-being.
How to Prevent Parental Alienation?
In court, cases involving Parental Alienation Syndrome often require expert testimony and evidence showing that one parent is harming the child’s relationship with the other parent. Although it can affect custody decisions, its influence differs from case to case, making parental alienation treatment and exploration of options crucial for parents.
In severe cases, the child may display intense hatred for the unfavored parent and both the child as well as the alienating parent refuses to attend joint meetings or even address the concerns.
In conclusion, Parental Alienation happens when two parents separate or divorce. In this phase, it is ideal to opt for shared parenting keeping in mind that love and responsibility of one’s child is greater than hatred for one’s ex-partner. If this default option is not voted for, it has the potential to cause irreparable damages to the unfavored parent and the child. Additionally, it is critical to identify and accept such happenings and proactively work to safeguard everyone’s mental health in the process.
Most importantly, don’t be afraid to seek professional help when you require it.
References:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9026878/
How to Prove Parental Alienation in Court?
Proving parental alienation syndrome can be complex. However, by gathering sufficient evidence, you may be able to convince the judge and guardian ad litem that parental alienation is occurring, allowing for appropriate interventions to be initiated to address the issues and assist with unification.
Some examples of evidence include:
- Text messages and emails to the child instructing them not to listen to one parent or making defamatory comments about one parent.
- Witnesses, such as older siblings or mutual friends, who have observed defamation of one parent in front of the child or children.
- Instances of withholding the child during the alienated parent’s visitation time, not enforcing the court order, and claiming the child “doesn’t want to go.”
- Failing to inform the alienated parent about medical treatments, absences from school, and other important guardianship matters.
- Evidence that the child is aligning with the alienating parent and exhibiting newly developed callousness and cruelty toward the alienated parent.
- Therapy notes from family therapy sessions.
Following is the procedure to prove Parental Alienation in court:
- Gather Evidence – Collect and systematically organize all pertinent documentation, including emails, text messages, and recorded conversations that demonstrate attempts to alienate the child from the targeted parent. This evidence is essential to substantiate any claims.
- Negative Comments – Record instances where the other parent has made slanderous remarks about the targeted parent to the child, such as derogatory statements, false accusations, or attempts to portray the targeted parent in a negative light.
- Evidence of Withholding – Provide evidence that the other parent has intentionally withheld the child from the targeted parent, including missed visitation, last-minute cancellations, or refusal to communicate about the child’s schedule. Additionally, gather evidence showing that the other parent has not informed the targeted parent about important matters like hospital visitations, doctor appointments, or any other medical information concerning the child.
- Child’s Cruel Behavior – Demonstrate how the child has begun exhibiting unusually cruel or disrespectful behavior toward the targeted parent, which could indicate the influence of the alienating parent.
- Borrowed Scenarios – Identify situations where the child repeats phrases or scenarios that appear to be borrowed from the alienating parent and misinterprets the targeted parent, rather than reflecting the child’s own experience, as this may indicate coaching.
- Child’s Defensiveness or Anger – Highlight any occurrences where the child becomes very defensive or angry when discussing the other parent. This might suggest that they feel pressured to defend the parent who is attempting to turn them against the targeted parent.