Why is it that every day, and especially at night, when you are trying to close your eyes to sleep, you feel guilty? Guilty about the day you just had. Guilty about how you interacted with your children today. Most of us feel this way just before we go to bed. Why do you feel like you haven’t achieved anything today? Especially since you worked all day, cooked dinner, bathed the children, and now feel exhausted. Is Mom Guilt real? We need to learn how to deal with Mom Guilt. Let’s explore this topic together and see how we can overcome it.
In today’s age, most women are daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, workers, and friends. That is more titles than most can handle at any given time. And as you know, there are only 24 hours in the day. Your ‘To-Do’ list is growing by the minute, and you only have two hands. It’s extremely hard not to feel guilty about not getting to everything in a day. Or perhaps for losing your temper and shouting at your child for walking mud into your home. Especially when you have used the last of your energy to clean the floors. Having a strong support system can help alleviate some of this stress and pressure, making it easier to manage daily responsibilities.
Many mothers struggle with how to deal with Mom Guilt but learning to practice self-compassion can make a big difference.
With the pressure that is on our mothers today, it’s easy to understand why you might feel exhausted and guilty. Even though you are trying your best every day, you still might not feel that you are doing enough. The question you need to ask yourself is, ‘will it ever be enough?’ In your eyes or eyes are others. Long gone are the days of mothers staying at home full-time. Only doing household work, cooking dinner and tending to your children. With an ever-changing world and things getting more expensive by the day.
Not all mothers have the luxury of staying at home. Most mothers are required to go back to work or even have multiple jobs just to keep a roof over their family’s heads. The societal pressures and portrayals on social media can make you feel like you need to be a “good mom” by showcasing only the positive aspects of your parenting.
Then there are those amazing single mothers that have to play two roles in the household and provide for their families. We absolutely salute you and your endeavors to ensure your children grow up in a happy home. Every Mother needs to learn how to deal with Mom Guilt to cope with everyday stressors.
The pressure of juggling a family and a career can be extremely difficult. You want to excel in both departments but it always feels like one part is struggling when the other side is striving. You try your very best to find the perfect balance, but life isn’t always perfect. Sometimes work puts you under pressure and that makes you short-tempered at home. Or perhaps your child is sick and at home. And you need to call in sick at work to care for your child. Your boss is then upset with you for not coming in. These guilty feelings often stem from both internal pressures and external influences, such as societal expectations or social media.
As women you want to have a successful career and a happy household. You have goals and dreams you would like to achieve. You want to be able to provide the best for your children. Why does doing both have to come at such a high price? Well, let’s explore why you might be feeling guilty. Seeking help from a licensed therapist can also be a valuable resource in managing these feelings and improving your overall well-being.
What Causes Mom Guilt?
Mom guilt is something most women don’t talk about. Feelings we keep inside, weighing heavy on their hearts. But by doing this you could start feeling depressed and isolating yourself even more from family and friends, affecting your overall well-being. Most Moms feel guilty at some part of their parenthood journey. The best thing you can do when feeling guilty is to talk to someone about it. Sometimes letting it out relieves the tension from your heart. Perhaps the person you talk to about it can offer some advice. Be it a friend or family member. And if you can’t find someone to talk to about it, consider speaking to a professional. A professional can offer coping mechanisms or find some solutions to your everyday problems.
Sometimes we forget that Moms are humans too. No matter how superhuman we feel. Mothers can get sick, they feel tired and they can’t always do everything that is required of them. Moms seem to push themselves beyond their limits to ensure that everyone around them is happy, fed, and looked after. By doing this they tend to neglect themselves and their own health. Causing their bodies to shut down or react to the pressure they put on themselves. It’s important to practice self compassion and remember that taking care of yourself is also a priority.
We must remember that one person can’t be perfect all the time. It’s simply impossible. People make mistakes, get sick and forget to complete tasks. It’s human nature. The moment we accept that we are human, is the moment we find peace and freedom within ourselves. The well-being and happiness of kids also play a significant role in parents’ mental health, making it crucial to balance personal needs with parenting duties.
This is why its so important to manage your expectations and find out how to deal with Mom Guilt.
Where does the term Mom Guilt come from
Do Dads suffer from this guilt too?
Absolutely yes, fathers can also suffer from parental guilt, just as mothers do. Fathers also have to sacrifice important moments or special times with their families to provide for their children. They miss out on the sports games and concerts. The same guilt and pressure women feel, men feel as well. In fact, it might be harder for men to open up about their feelings or ask for help. Thus, this might cause them to bottle it up more.
OCD and Mom Guilt
When Mothers suffer from OCD and Mom Guilt it can be very difficult especially when the two mental health disorders become intertwine. It makes for a very difficult experience. With OCD you are already wanting to be a perfectionist all the time. Redoing things over and over. You already suffer even more from Mom Guilt or feeling guilty in general. Not feeling good enough. Mom Guilt adds to the pressure you’re already feeling. Being perfect all the time is impossible. Don’t be so hard on yourself. But with these two disorders is hard not to be hard on yourself. Learn how to deal with you Mom Guilt as well as your OCD, if need be, speak to a professional and get help.
Depression and Mom Guilt
Depression can only make Mom Guilt worse. You are already feeling guilty and bad about circumstances. Circumstance that may be out of your control. Adding depression to the mix can increase one’s risk with suicidal thoughts. This is the direction you don’t want to head in. Postpartum Depression, in particular, can be the main source of Mom Guilt. Depression would need to be successfully managed in order to start managing your Mom Guilt. Seek help from a professional. By seeking help, you are empowering yourself and ensuring that your depression doesn’t spiral out of control. Happy Mother, happy family.
Anxiety and Mom Guilt
Anxiety sufferers know that feeling guilty is part of the parcel of suffering from anxiety. Now with added Mom Guilt you can’t help feeling bad about yourself. You already feel like a bad mother now you sit and panic about it too. Symptoms of anxiety and Mom Guilt can be very similar. You stress about things that are out of your control. You can’t sleep at night because you didn’t achieve your goals today. This may make you feel like a failure. Don’t keep quiet about how you are feeling. Speak out. There is help waiting for you out there. You just need to be brave enough to take the first step.
Pressure from Social Media?
Guilt has always been something parents had to deal with, even before Social Media. However, Social Media has made us more likely to feel guilty or inadequate as a parent because social media displays things so publicly. We are inundated with aspirational images of people living their best lives. It’s hard not to see all the happy, smiling families. Families spending quality time together, while you are stuck at work, listening to your colleague complain about the printer jamming. Even though we know social media is showing us something which is not real, it still impacts our feelings. Social media often showcases only the positive aspects of parenting, which can make us feel even more inadequate.
Yes, you would love to be playing on the beach with your children all day and hearing them laugh, but the reality is you have bills to pay. And your vacation is not until later in the year. It is important to practice self-compassion and remember that your time with your family and children will come. Maybe not right now like Susie and Betty. But when they are back behind their office desk, you will be sunbathing or playing on the beach with your children. Again it’s about finding the balance of how to deal with Mom Guilt.
Find the Balance between Work and Personal Life
It’s all about finding a balance. A Balance between work and personal life. Even today, some companies seem unaware that Mothers have children and have to attend a special sporting event or dance recital. Sometimes the greatest fear working Mothers have is just asking for the time off to attend these events. And this could be for various reasons. Maybe your colleague never asks for time off because she doesn’t have children. Will you be compared to her? And would she look like the better person for that promotion you have been working for? Maybe, but remember the company you dedicate your time to will see your hard work. They are probably parents too and know the struggle you have.
This is where the balance comes in. If you can complete the five tasks allocated to you before you need to run to the recital and your colleague only manages to complete four tasks before the end of the day. Then you will still stand a chance to be selected for that promotion. Proving you can work under pressure and get the job done.
In today’s day and age it is all about giving all you have during working hours and all you have to your family during your off hours. It’s a win-win situation. Sometimes being perfectly imperfect is what one needs to accept to get through every day.
Talking about your shortcomings to your partner or if you are a single mom you can talk to a family member. It does take a village to raise children nowadays.
Everyone fails at some point or time. But that’s where you can find solutions. Maybe a friend can pick up your little one from school, while you go knock the socks off your boss with that presentation. Maybe your colleague can check that report you have been working on for hours on end, while you go watch your child play sport.
Whether it’s your work family or your home family, they are there to support you. All you need to do is ask for help. And no, you won’t look weak or incapable of doing the job. And you won’t look like a terrible mother. You will look like a team player who trusts another person to help you get the job done. Or a mother that does put her children first by worrying about them.
Sometimes acknowledging your weaknesses can benefit you in the long run. Seeking professional help can work wonders in finding your strengths and weaknesses. As well as finding that balance you need in your life to survive.
Running yourself down daily is not the solution. Breaking yourself down will only hurt your spirit and possibly lead to other mental health conditions like anxiety or depression. And this is not what you need to struggle with as well. Social media can exacerbate feelings of mommy guilt, making it crucial to figure out how to deal with Mom Guilt more effectively.
How To Combat Mom Guilt
- Find Your Happiness
- Schedule Special Time
- Find A Work/Life Balance
- Plan Fun Things With Children
- Be Positive
- Get Support
- Accept Failure
What is normal guilt?
Normal guilt is when you feel guilty after a misdeed that can be resolved by apologizing and taking necessary steps to make up for the wrongdoing. Healthy guilt helps us take responsibility, learn and grow from our mistakes.
We all know that asking for help is the hardest thing to do. And being a working parent doesn’t help the situation. The first time you ask for help, will be the hardest thing for you to do but it will also be the most empowering thing you will do. Most companies today understand that working mothers need time off here and there to be with their children. They would rather have a happy, coping employee than an unhappy employee who doesn’t want to be at the office.
Spend time every morning to make yourself a To-Do list. From priority to trivial. Tick things off the list as you complete the task. By doing this it helps you see all the accomplishments you have achieved that day. And I bet it’s more than you thought you would get done. Small wins, every day, lead to big achievements at the end of the month.
Another important thing you need to try and achieve is finding time for yourself. How, you may ask. Well everyone deserves a happy and healthy mother or employee. So even if you find 5 minutes in the shower to sing your favorite song. Or instead of taking the elevator at work, take the stairs. Get that heart pumping. Release those amazing endorphins. Again, small wins.
Remind yourself daily that you are trying your best. Tell yourself that you are allowed to fail, it’s a learning curve. Remind yourself to always get back up and try again. Until you achieve success.
Mom Guilt is real, but finding yourself on the journey to being a stronger, more balanced person is the goal for anyone to achieve. Start today. Start talking about the pressures, the failures, and the achievements.
By opening up to others, they might be able to help with the solutions you need to be the best mother and employee you can be in the future. They, too, might have felt the way you feel right now. And always remember that the way you are feeling now won’t last forever. It’s a temporary moment that you can learn from in order to live your best life. You could also be a savior to another Mom who is dealing with the same guilt.
Create a network or support group for yourself and others. Open up. Find the balance. And one day at a time. Find your feet. You can do this.
It is very important to know the difference between Mom Guilt, Depression, and OCD. To know when you are suffering from a mental health disorder or Mom Guilt. The symptoms can be similar, but knowing the difference will help you drastically.
Symptoms of Depression:
- Persistent Sadness
- Loss Of Interest
- Irritability Or Anger
- Lack Of Energy
- Feeling Restless
- Suicidal Thoughts
Symptoms of OCD:
- Intrusive Thoughts
- Repetitive Behavior
- Mental Rituals
- Excessive Worry
- Strict Routines
- Intense Stress
Mom Self-Care Ideas
Understanding how to deal with Mom Guilt starts with recognizing that perfection is an impossible standard. Even though it’s hard to find time for yourself as a working Mother. You need to try to prioritize even a few moments a day for yourself. If Mom is happy, everyone else in the family will feel happier too.
If you’re wondering how to deal with Mom Guilt, remember that prioritizing your own well-being helps you be a better parent.
Here are some nice ideas:
- Go for a walk: Take the family for a walk, even if it’s only for 5 minutes around the garden.
- Learn to say ‘No’: You can’t always be the one who does the school concert costumes or the cake sale.
- Nourish your body: Eating healthy and fresh foods daily can already make a huge difference in how your body is feeling.
- Read a book: Even if you read one page a night before you close your eyes. It’s just you and your book.
- Ask for help: You can ask for help without feeling that you will be judged.
- Journal: Start a journal and write down three achievements every night before bed. No matter how big or small.
- Afternoon Naps: If you can have a quick 30-minute nap. Do it. Your body and family will thank you for it.
- Make Peace with Mom Guilt: Nobody’s perfect. Accept yourself for the person you are and the person you are trying to be.
Remember that being a Mother is hard. Working and being a Mother is even harder. Go easy on yourself. As long as you know you are trying your best, that’s all that matters. And on those bad days that you feel like a failure, just remember that to the world you may only be a Mother but to your children, you are their world.
Children don’t see faults and they are extremely forgiving. We should take a page out of their book. Forgive yourself for working long hours and missing the sports game. Forgive yourself for shouting at them for playing with the ball in the house and breaking your favorite vase. Enjoy the moments you get to spend with them. And give it all at your work. You are a great Mother.
No matter what Mom Guilt is something that will never just go away. You will need to learn a coping mechanism to manage it. Every day you will get better at learning to push those negative feelings aside, while you focus on the positive feelings.
As with every mental health disorder, learning management tools is the best way to survive each day. Before you know it, you will have learnt to manage your emotions regarding Mom Guilt. The days will seem brighter and the guilt will eventually fade. Baby steps Mom. Small wins.
