Not everyone who sits quietly in a room is introverted. They could be struggling internally in a way that other people might not notice immediately. They can appear calm and look fine from the outside, while inside, they are having a battle with nervous thoughts and self-doubt.
It can be social anxiety. It is a condition in which an individual is constantly afraid of embarrassing themselves in public situations. Such fear can be due to past traumatic experiences, environmental factors or it could run in the family.
How to know if you have social anxiety? This question is not something one randomly searches. People often have this doubt when social situations seem more stressful than normal. The signs could be many and vary. “Am I being awkward?” “Am I being weird?” “Why did I say that?” These are not some simple questions that occur due to nervousness.
These doubts can be heavy enough to start affecting your life. You could find yourself preparing for an informal conversation with your friends, avoiding being the centre of attention, or worse, you might want to cancel your plans at the last moment.
If this feels relatable, you are not alone. Social anxiety is a common type of anxiety disorder, with as many as 7.1% of adults in the United States experiencing social anxiety disorder, as per the National Comorbidity Survey Replication (NCS-R).
You can understand your experiences better when you know what social anxiety is and what signs you should look out for.
What exactly is social anxiety?
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, social anxiety includes “symptoms of anxiety or fear in situations where they may be scrutinized, evaluated, or judged by others.” These could be situations where you have to address a large audience, meet and greet new people, job interviews or initiate conversation, like when you talk to the cashier at a store.
People with social anxiety cannot talk with a free mind. They actively analyze themselves and think the other person is doing the same. Out loud, they speak something else, and within their mind, they ask, “Is my posture right? Am I speaking correctly? Am I being loud?” A human can hardly focus on so many things at once and it is not surprising if you end up zoning out.
Even when the conversation is over, it might not be entirely over in your brain. You could keep replaying every awkward moment, every abrupt pause and criticize yourself when others have long moved on from the conversation.
It’s not like those with social anxiety do not wish to engage with others. They do crave socializing with others, but it doesn’t come easily to them. They don’t want other people finding out what they think they lack and can avoid social settings to ensure their peace of mind.
At first glance, it can seem like overthinking, but one cannot simply shake away their anxious thoughts. When you have social anxiety, your brain stays in a hyper mode and social situations or conversations appear as threats. Your fight-or-flight mode is triggered as a response and your nervous system is flooded with stress hormones, cortisol and adrenaline.
These stress hormones are also responsible for the physical changes that you experience, like sweating or a fast heart rate. Since these are natural responses of your brain, a neurologist can help you figure out why your nervous system goes on high alert and help you address the obstacle.
What are some signs of social anxiety?
How to know if you have social anxiety? Look for the signs and symptoms of social anxiety that generally occur when you are out of your comfort zone.
- Sweating, blushing or shaking hands
- Increased heart rate
- Feeling blank
- A rigid posture
- Speaking at low volume
- Feeling sick to the stomach
- Unable to make eye contact
- Uneasiness around others
- Rumination
- Avoiding meetings
- Fear of embarrassment
- Expecting the worst-case scenario after an interaction
Social anxiety disorder generally starts in one’s childhood or adolescence. They could struggle to make friends. Social anxiety can push a child into loneliness at an early stage. Awareness of adults at such times can make a big difference.
How can social anxiety affect your life?
One might think that social anxiety disorder is not a huge issue since you are only struggling to engage with others. That’s not true, however. Humans are social beings.
From the time we wake up until we go to bed, from personal life to professional success, no matter what we do, humans, other people, form an essential part of it. Meeting and communicating with others is a basic human need and social anxiety can keep you from doing that effectively.
Academic and professional impact
A child might silently struggle in school. Even if he’s brilliant, he might not muster the courage to ask a question to clarify his doubt. He could avoid participating in seminars, competitions and that brilliant child could end up losing several opportunities.
You at the office could feel stuck. You might not like your job anymore and want to switch, but the thought of a job interview itself can be a nightmare. Even if you don’t want to switch, the experience can still be full of despair.
Your colleagues might consider you a “cold person” since you are not able to talk to them the way you want to. You might let go of networking opportunities and miss out on your promotion. Your fear of being noticed can outweigh your desire for career advancement.
Relationship turmoil
It is not just about new people. Social anxiety can strain your existing relationships as well. Avoiding your friends or family for long can hurt them too. They might not understand your feelings or point of view properly and think you are just not giving any effort or time to them. This misunderstanding can make you feel lonely.
Mental and physical fatigue
Being constantly vigilant about your behavior can be exhausting. You do not feel any joy in meeting others, even those close to you, because you’re busy predicting how they will react to what you say, how you say it. This mental toll is soon accompanied by a physical toll as well. You might find yourself having digestive issues, headaches and more.
Social anxiety at its worst can keep you from everything that a human requires until you feel safe in your own space. This space can be safe, but it cannot sustain you. You need more than that. You need connection, growth and all that is possible when you step out of. It might not be easy, but that’s why certified professionals are available.
Shyness vs social anxiety disorder
People often confuse social anxiety and shyness, but they are not the same. Social anxiety, on one hand, is a mental health issue; shyness, on the other, can be a part of someone’s personality. So, how to know if you have social anxiety or if it’s just you being shy?
| Normal Shyness | Social Anxiety |
|---|---|
| The individual feels reserved or nervous in some social situations | The individual has an intense fear of being judged or embarrassed |
| Shyness appears in certain situations | One can be anxious in several social settings |
| A shy individual can take time, but still can interact with others | The individual can avoid conversations, meetings, or gatherings |
| A shy person is temporarily nervous (especially at the beginning of an interaction or performance) | A person with social anxiety is constantly worried before, during, and after an interaction or event |
| A shy person usually moves on once the event is over | One can dwell on past conversations |
| Shyness has little impact on daily life | Social anxiety can interfere with professional, personal, and social life |
| A shy person can often outgrow it naturally | Professional help can prove beneficial in managing social anxiety |
Should I get help for social anxiety?
Yes, you should. One does not usually grow out of social anxiety on one’s own. You might need help from professionals like psychiatrists to treat your social anxiety. Consider getting help when:
- Social anxiety affects your daily life
- Avoiding networking out of fear
- Experiencing the signs of social anxiety
- Symptoms persist for at least six months
- Symptoms are getting worse
- You feel isolated in social events
Your condition is manageable and your symptoms can get better. With the right support, whether that’s therapy or medications or both, you gradually learn to expose yourself to situations that once stressed you out.
Support can make a difference
As previously said, we are creatures of connection. Just the thought of having to choose between your safety and meeting your loved one can be scary. You don’t have to choose. You can have both and everything else you desire once you begin working on your social anxiety. The first step might not be easy, but maybe if you start from the comfort of your home and in a safe, non-judgmental space, it can encourage you.
Leaving social anxiety untreated is not an option. Imagine having to look over your shoulder constantly to see if someone’s talking about you or thinking nonstop about a conversation that others have long moved on from. It will only drain you of your energy.
If you are left feeling isolated because of social anxiety, know that you can change it. Many others have turned their situation around with the proper social anxiety treatment and you can too. It may not happen overnight, but dealing with years of fear is worthy of your time and patience.
Reference:
