Have you ever felt like you were a shadow walking behind your own body? You felt like you didn’t exist or matter, simply because all of your emotions and feelings had become numb. When hurt becomes unbearable, your body responds by becoming numb.
Numb because you don’t want to feel anymore, and numb because you feel like you won’t survive this moment you find yourself in.
Emotional numbness can be your body’s way of coping with overwhelming emotions. A protective mechanism, a shield that permits you to move through the turmoil of your inner world without being entirely overwhelmed. But although it may provide you with temporary relief, emotional numbing can also pave the way for a staggering sense of loneliness and disconnection from those around you. You may be living life, engaging in conversation, participating in obligatory activities, but feeling like you’ve been reduced to a mere hologram, a ghost of your former (or future) self. Common symptoms of emotional numbness include feelings of detachment, emptiness, and difficulty connecting with others.
This emotional numbness (or detachment) is a mental health condition that can have many different origins, such as trauma, grief, anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, or other underlying mental health issues, or even the unending demands of daily living. It can also be associated with various mental health disorders. It can make you wonder about your sense of self and your reason for being, as the shades of happiness, sorrow, and love fade into a colorless world. The irony is that in trying to guard yourselves against feeling pain, you also insulate yourselves from the emotions that give your lives meaning and make you undoubtedly a human. People describe emotional numbness in different ways, and experiencing emotional numbness can significantly impact daily life and relationships.
Let’s go deeper into the complex nature of emotional numbness. What can cause emotional numbness, and what can you do when you feel numb emotionally? Let’s delve more into this blog.
Feeling Numb Emotionally
Emotions help us navigate the various situations we find ourselves in, telling us what to embrace and what to avoid. When we become numb to certain feelings, we also inadvertently become less able to experience the joyful, loving, and exciting aspects of life. And initially, this emotional shielding may feel like a good, protective thing to do. After all, it’s not like anyone wants to feel miserable. But over time, when we get in the habit of emotionally numbing ourselves, we connect less and less with other people and enjoy life less and less.
And the sad thing about all this is that in trying to avoid negative feelings, we’re also avoiding the positive feelings that make life worth living. Emotional numbness can limit your emotional range, making it difficult to experience the full spectrum of emotions.
Let’s understand the signs that emotional numbness (or emotional blunting) is becoming a problem:
- Tuning out in meetings yet appearing to be engaged.
- Feeling nothing during major life events (such as birth or death) that should evoke strong emotions.
- Alexithymia, or being unable to really say how one feels about anything except in the most basic terms, like “I’m so tired” or “I’m fine.”
- Failure to be able to cry or laugh in even the most necessary situation.
- Doing activities one used to enjoy and getting no pleasure from them (e.g., binge-watching TV or endlessly doom-scrolling through social media).
- Having difficulty with emotional intimacy, including pulling away or withdrawing from the other person.
- Getting yourself to the “highest” position by working too hard or taking risks.
- Solving the problem of being unable to feel much of anything by self-medicating, e.g., drinking too much, or by being in a truly chaotic relationship.
- Reduced or altered emotional responses to events, where reactions may feel muted or absent even in situations that would typically provoke strong feelings.
These behaviors are not just personality traits; they are signs of a system that is trying to cope with a reality that is difficult to navigate. Emotional numbness is not always about being silent; it can also involve difficulty expressing emotions, not just feeling them. It can be about various forms of expression, from seeking adrenaline-fueled activities to chasing successes, all in the name of re-establishing a deeper connection with our emotions.
Why do I feel Numb Emotionally?
The silence of emotions speaks volumes about the deep numbness one experiences. There are often reasons why you feel “numb”:
You have been through something traumatic:
Being emotionally numb can be a protective response to trauma, but it is not a healthy long-term way to cope. When a person is particularly prone to overpowering emotions, they may shut down and appear numb (like a temporary relief). This is nature’s way of saying, “Wait a minute. Everything is going to be okay.” Emotional numbness can also be a coping mechanism for dealing with emotional pain or physical or emotional pain, especially after traumatic experiences.
You are recovering from abuse:
Any form of abuse, whether physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, or psychological, can have a significant impact on mental health. Emotional abuse, in particular, can contribute to emotional numbness and emotional dysregulation, making it difficult to process emotions and connect with your feelings. Coping with the stress and strain of being a victim of abuse may cause a person to seek emotional numbness as a protective mechanism.
You are grieving a major loss:
Emotional numbness is prevalent throughout bereavement, particularly in the denial stage. It is a normal part of the grieving process. Individuals may not be prepared to handle the feelings that they typically experience when a death happens.
You are stressed out all the time:
Prolonged stress from work or school can produce emotional burnout, defined as a condition of exhaustion, a lack of concentration, and an indifference toward previously engaging activities. Overwhelming stress can trigger emotional numbness and lead to emotional and physical pain, making it harder to manage daily life. This condition is certainly a “grind” that many are unfortunately too familiar with. Feeling “burned out emotionally” like a phone with only 3% battery and no charger.
You are struggling with mental illness:
People suffering from various mood disorders and other mental health illnesses frequently experience emotional numbness (as a symptom). Emotional dysregulation and emotional detachment are common features of certain conditions, and other mental health conditions, such as posttraumatic stress disorder and borderline personality disorder, can also involve these symptoms. A few of the conditions include:
- Depression: Depression typically includes anhedonia, the loss of interest in previously loved activities. This is not only great sadness, but a blunting of all emotions.
- Anxiety Disorders: Chronic, acute anxiety can cause emotional fatigue and numbness when the brain can no longer sustain excessive worries or pressure.
- Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD): PTSD is characterized by “numbing and avoidance,” as people avoid trauma-related things. This can include avoiding not only the thoughts and sensations directly related to the traumatic incident, but also locations, people, and conversations that may trigger them. Therapy for PTSD often aims to help individuals process emotions and reconnect with their feelings.
- Borderline personality disorder (BPD): People with BPD can feel tremendous emotions but also disinterest and emptiness. Some of them may self-harm to feel something because they can’t express what most of us feel. Emotional detachment and emotional dysregulation are often present in BPD.
- Schizophrenia: “Negative symptoms” of schizophrenia include reduced outward expression of emotion (flat affect) and anhedonia. For example, smiles seemed to be forced, like a mask.
Typically, individuals with mental disorders feel detached from their thoughts and feelings. They frequently describe a loss of control over their emotion as well as difficulty understanding or identifying their emotions.
You are on too much medication:
Studies show that about 40-60% of individuals on certain medications like SSRIs or SNRIs report feeling emotionally blunted. Many patients say that this emotional numbness (or dullness) is one reason for stopping their medication. Now, some people might think that if a medication is making you feel less, then it’s probably not working. But things are a little more intricate than that. While antidepressants are effective for many, side effects like emotional blunting can overshadow their benefits. Antidepressants might be helping some patients feel less sad and more hopeful, but they could also be keeping these same individuals from feeling the range of emotions that are an ordinary part of life.
Some individuals may also turn to maladaptive coping tools, such as substance misuse, to manage emotional numbness or distress, which can further complicate emotional health.
Consequently, adverse events (side effects) associated with medications generally fall into one of the following five categories:
- Medication allergies: Reactions resulting from the abnormal sensitivity of certain individuals to a medication.
- Medication idiosyncrasies: Unpredictable reactions that occur in some individuals due to genetic differences.
- Medication interactions: Changes in the effect of a medication caused by the presence of another medication.
- Medication overdose: Poisoning (or contamination) from taking too much of a medication or from not being able to eliminate the medication from the body fast enough (as in the case of some poor medication metabolizers).
- Medication withdrawal: Adverse effects on discontinuation of long-term medication.
It is advisable to report to your physician if you experience symptoms of not feeling like yourself for a prolonged time.
Other Causes of Emotional Numbness:
- Staying away from emotional situations: Avoidant people may not choose to be in situations where emotions are expressed.
- Hiding emotions: Individuals may hide their emotions. Those emotions might burst forth at any moment, but the individual may only show them when they are in a safe, secure, and private place.
- Substance overuse: Studies show that medication or alcohol use can dull emotional feelings or reactions. Many individuals often become dependent on substances to deal with their emotions, resulting in an experience void in their hearts in every situation.
Some Myths That Lead To Emotional Numbness:
“Emotions are a sign of weakness.”
You can be prevented from expressing your feelings when you hold this belief. It’s essential for emotional health to not only keep emotions but also acknowledge them. Emotions are a standard part of the human condition.
“I should be happy all the time.”
Think you should always feel happy? That belief can lead to emotional numbness and even depression. It’s normal to experience various emotions, including sadness and frustration. And those are our emotional signals that something’s wrong.
“I’m just being realistic.”
Although it is important to be practical, adopting a distrustful attitude can lead you to emotional isolation. It is best to balance realism with hope and a positive outlook.
“I need to be strong for everyone else.”
Supporting others is important, but neglecting your own emotional needs can lead to numbness. Prioritizing your own feelings is okay. What do you think?
“If I ignore my feelings, they will go away.”
When you try to keep emotions under wraps, you tend to come bursting out in other, often unhealthy ways. It’s better to deal with feelings directly than to push them.
“I should be able to handle everything on my own.”
If you think you have to face difficulties all by yourself, you may get cut off from others. Getting help from friends or experts can be a part of coping in a way that keeps you connected to quality relationships.
“I can’t change how I feel.”
You may feel hopeless. But remember, emotions change. They also fluctuate with circumstance. They can be influenced by your environment or the people around you. And they can change when you put effort into doing so.
“I don’t deserve to feel good.”
Believing you deserve less than others can come from low self-esteem and can lead to not feeling much of anything when it comes to one’s life, not even joy or fulfillment. Take a deep breath. Believe in yourself. You are the real YOU and deserve all the love in the world.
“Feeling numb is better than feeling pain.”
Although it might appear simpler to escape hurtful feelings, emotional numbness can block you from truly reaping life’s rewards of happiness and contentment.
“I must always be in control.”
Emotional numbness (or detachment) can result from the need to dominate every situation. You can regain emotional intimacy by accepting that some things and some people mean a portion of uncertainty and vulnerability. It may not be easy to do this, but trying is better than being a withdrawn emotional robot.
If you struggle with persistent numbness, consider reaching out to a mental health professional trained in trauma and emotional regulation for support and guidance.
How to Stop Feeling Emotionally Numb
Dealing with emotional numbness means becoming aware of it and taking some steps to counteract it. Feeling emotionally detached can be tough, but it is something you can work on. But you showing up here today and wanting to make a change is a brave and important first step. You should give yourself some credit for it.
Here are a few strategies—and a few ideas—you can try to actively engage in your own emotional life again, manage emotional numbness, and enhance your well-being.
1. Be Physically Active:
Not only is engaging in physical activity good for your physical health, but it also affects your mental health in a significant way. Taking part in moderate physical activity for at least five days a week can help your emotions “unfreeze.” Exercise can also help with awakening sensations in your body and regaining emotional balance, making it easier to reconnect with your feelings.
Experts recommend no less than 150 minutes of moderate exercise per week. Exercise prompts the release of endorphins and other neurochemicals like enkephalins, which can increase the responsiveness of your mood and emotions.
Myth (common thought pattern):
- “My schedule is packed. I have no time to exercise.”
- “I’m too exhausted to work out.”
Important action needs to be taken:
- Begin with small steps; even a 10-minute stroll can significantly impact your day.
- Ensure you allocate time in your day for movement, just as you would for any other key task. Plan for it and make it a top priority.
2. Talk to Someone You Trust:
Conveying your emotions to a close friend or family member can counteract the sensation of being alone and cut off from others. This simple act of communication can create a kind of familiarity that helps you feel more firmly connected to the world. It allows for a nearly instinctual processing of the feelings you’ve been having.
Myth (common thought pattern):
- “No one can understand the experience I’m living through right now.”
- “I don’t want to make anyone else carry my emotional weight.”
Important action needs to be taken:
- Remind yourself that when you share, it can help you strengthen your relationships with others.
- If you think you might have a hard time sharing your feelings, consider writing them down in a journal first. Doing so can help you get to the root of the matter and may also make your feelings clearer to you.
- Take the counselor’s help if the emotional numbness is too much to carry on your own.
3. Sleep 7-8 Hours Per Night:
Sleep is essential for emotional regulation. Not feeling tired can lead to a lack of emotional depth. It can diminish your ability to feel deeply and process your feelings properly. Many use screens or books to try and help achieve an emotional understanding of sorts, but that is no substitute for the sleep health that is necessary to achieve anything resembling a full range of normal human emotions.
Too much awake time can lead to an emotionally flat mood, a kind of “sleepy-hearted” existence. And not being able to achieve that full range of emotions can also lead to hopelessness and suicidal thoughts. Therefore, it is recommended to sleep 7-8 hours every night, following sleep hygiene. Getting adequate rest, both the quality and quantity—ideally seven or more hours of sleep each night—is crucial for emotional health and helps in managing symptoms of depression, anxiety, and trauma.
Myth (common thought pattern):
- “I will simply recuperate my lost sleep when I can.”
- “I can do the same amount of everyday work with a little sleep.”
Important action needs to be taken:
- Establish a consistent sleep routine and adhere to it, even on the weekends.
- Create a sleep-friendly environment by minimizing sound and lighting.
4. Grounding Techniques for Emotional Awareness:
Practicing self-care can be life-changing, particularly when it is done in small, effective intervals throughout the day. Grounding techniques are effective ways to redirect your attention back to your mental health. The following methods can be executed in just 1 to 10 minutes and are simple to incorporate into your normal day-to-day activities:
- Breathing Deeply: Concentrate on your breathing. Draw out and make your breaths very deep and very slow. Deep breathing can bring almost immediate relaxation and help manage stress.
- Mindful attention: Notice what’s going on all around you. Concentrate on the present. This stimulates an emotional reconnection. It also aids in sincerity. It eliminates thought distortions. Probably, when you’re lost in thought, you’re on autopilot. You have no awareness of what you’re doing. You’re in a daze. You’re emotionally numb. When you’re mindlessly lost in thought, it is hard to feel real emotions. Therefore, concentrate “mindfully” and do not let anything else interfere with it, without getting distracted.
- Music: Hear music that connects with you. Listening to music is a strong method for mood elevation and emotion enhancement.
- Body awareness exercises and relaxation exercises: These mindfulness strategies are effective for reducing emotional numbing, awakening sensations, and managing stress by helping you reconnect with your body and emotions.
Practicing any of these can bring down the levels of emotional numbness and anxiety in a person, and can also help that individual cultivate a certain emotional awareness. ‘Awareness’ here means being conscious of the range of human emotions one is capable of experiencing.
Myth (common thought pattern):
- “It’s time-consuming to take care of myself. I don’t have the time to stop and take a break.”
- “Instead of taking time for self-care, I should be working.”
Important action needs to be taken:
- Make space in your day for a couple of minutes of silence, even if it feels silly. You’re actually retraining your brain to be okay with stillness.
- Attempt a range of self-care efforts and observe which ones truly elevate your spirits and improve your emotional wisdom.
5. See a Therapist:
If the numbness remains after doing the above-mentioned strategies or severely affects your day-to-day function, it is best to consult with a mental health professional. A skilled therapist can offer both calm support and the know-how that sometimes makes the difference between drifting and moving forward. If your feelings have numbed after trauma, loss, or a diagnosed condition like depression or anxiety, their help is especially valuable.
Therapy provides a safe, personal place to unpack thoughts, memories, and pressures. A therapist can lead you through the pathways of understanding and addressing the fundamental causes of your emotional numbness. They can also help you with coping mechanisms tailored to your specifications. CBT strategies aim to help you identify and change unhelpful thought patterns, while commitment therapy (such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) focuses on accepting emotions and learning not to control emotional experiences, but rather to experience them fully.
Addressing emotional numbing is a key goal in therapy, and trauma-focused therapies can help you process traumatic memories to foster emotional healing and recovery.
Myth (common thought pattern):
- “I ought to be capable of managing this by myself.”
- “Counseling is for those who are in a tough spot; I’m not in that place.”
Important action needs to be taken:
- Acknowledge that seeking help shows courage and strength, not a sign of weakness or failure.
- Seeking psychiatric help promptly is essential. A psychiatrist can help you with coping mechanisms tailored to your specifications.
It is important to note that untreated or unresolved emotional numbness can lead to:
- Maintaining interpersonal relationships becomes challenging: Emotional numbness can lead to difficulties in forming and maintaining relationships, as individuals may struggle to connect with others or express their feelings, leading to isolation.
- Impact on academic or professional life: Emotional numbness can impair judgment and decision-making, making it hard for individuals to respond appropriately to situations, which can result in missed opportunities (in academic or professional life) or unhealthy choices.
- Contribute to mental health issues: Left untreated, emotional numbness can contribute to the development of anxiety, depression, and other mental health disorders, exacerbating feelings of hopelessness and despair.
- Loss of emotional balance and resilience: Failing to address emotional numbness can make it harder to regain emotional balance, build emotional resilience, and develop emotional strength. Cultivating positive emotions is essential for a meaningful life and overall well-being.
The fact is that no one knows you better than you. Trusting your instincts is central to this. And what I’m advocating for here is that you quite literally trust your instincts when it comes to your mental health. If you feel mentally unstable or “off” in any way, I encourage you to contact a professional and seek help. Joining a support group or support groups can also provide a safe space for sharing experiences, receiving peer support, and feeling understood, which are important for emotional healing and recovery.
Additionally, remember the importance of self-care and lifestyle tips: manage stress and focus on managing stress through practical strategies such as mindfulness, exercise, and seeking support to help reduce emotional numbness and improve your emotional well-being.
Case Study on Emotions
Let’s take Maria’s story to better understand emotional numbness.
Maria, a 28-year-old visual designer, was a high-energy, positive, generous, and lively go-to girl. She has always been someone who could brighten a place with her generous nature and creativity, and bring joy. Her beautiful life had been turned upside down and had completely changed after some sudden twists and turns in life due to the sudden death of her beloved granny and a terrible breakup. She had turned into someone who was quite dull, a little disorganized.
The Beginning of Feeling Numb
Initially, for Maria, when her granny passed away, she felt a deep void. She was sure she was going to weep for her granny, but instead, she experienced disappointment at her inability to cry. The relationship that was meant to create the grandmother-granddaughter path of sorrow (crying, sad, mournful) ends up making Maria’s path empty.
Even after days of grief, she began to isolate herself, and that was the first thing her friends and colleagues noticed. She started to lose interest in responding to invitations for events, and even alarmingly in creating art that was amazing as it had previously been. Maria stated this feeling like “It felt as though I were a robot just waiting for my next command and if I had been able to give myself commands, I would have advised me to at least pretend to be living in the real world, cause nothing about life felt real or even impactful, to be honest.”
The Battle Against Numbness
Maria’s numbness deepened with each passing day. Increasingly, she started to ask herself questions such as, “Why am I not upset? What’s wrong with me?” Even while her friends were surely trying to reach out (at least buzzing her with a lot of texts), she saw herself sitting alone within this numb condition. This wasn’t the first time she’d felt emotionally remote from her friends. She’d already spent some weeks in that lonely place during the initial phases of her grief.
Maria’s mood and optimism soon started to show in her work in a distinctly negative way, where she was struggling to even complete her projects on time. She stated, “I would sit in my home office for days or weeks at a time, looking despondently at my computer screen, completely lacking inspiration and motivation to create anything of value. It felt like I had lost my passion in addition to my capacity to emotionally respond”.
Turning Point
One day, while Maria was mindlessly scrolling through social media, she saw a post about emotional numbness (or emotional blunting), illuminating why trauma leads some individuals to numb their feelings and ways to deal with them. This is admirable because her willingness to improve led to healing.
Maria begins therapy and learns that she does not feel anything because her mind is protecting her from the painful loss of her grandmother and the breakup. Maria was nervous about stepping into the treatment phase, but she was ready for the experience. Her therapist helped her gradually address the emotions she had always avoided (as a protective mechanism from grief). Through therapy, Maria started to build emotional competence, learning to recognize, understand, and manage her feelings. She also learned how to process emotions that she had previously suppressed.
Therapy gave Maria the chance to recall feelings in her heart that she was experiencing. Initially resistant, she finally allowed herself to face the reality of loss by recalling cherished memories with her granny. This process was also a bit uncomfortable for her, but it also led her to the beginning of emotional awakening. As part of her recovery, Maria began to re-engage with her emotional experiences, allowing herself to feel and accept a range of emotions.
With the therapist’s suggestion, she also started journaling to get her thoughts and feelings out onto the page—whatever came up, she wrote—so she could process the death of her granny and the end of her relationship. Her love of art was gradually restored and served as a healthy outlet for her sorrow in a few weeks.
As Maria began to process her emotions, she gradually began to feel that numbness begin to lift. She stated, “I remember the first time that I cried over my granny. It was so healing for me, and I truly felt for the first time in probably many years like I was living again”.
Healing Your Emotional Self
This message is for you if you have felt the weight of emotional numbness (like Maria) and know the sensation of drifting through life like a ghost of your former self.
Maybe you’ve felt a lack of happiness that you once had, or you’ve gone through times when you’re not in sync with the people you care about. You may have been startled by some well-placed reminders that your life right now is a barely existent shell of existence. You may even have realized how long you have been living without taking a single breath in or out. It’s completely natural. You’re not alone in this odyssey, and you’re not lagging. What you are going through is a normal reaction to the complexity of existence, a protective shield your heart has built to protect you from unpleasant circumstances.
Emotional numbness is treatable. However, reawakening from emotional numbness is not a quick process. It can be slow and subtle. You may not see yourself doing it until you look back in a few days and find that you made a little more room for your thoughts and feelings today than you did yesterday. Appreciate it. You’re getting an emotional win.
However, if you paused a little longer to heal your emotional numbness. Be careful. Pausing can be a natural part of reawakening, but it can also become a path of emotional rumination if you get caught up in it. You have the right to take as much time as you need. There is no reason to rush, and it is perfectly okay if you don’t have all the answers or exactly the right words in the present. This is a moment for you to step onto the path of healing without the added pressure of having to act or speak in an expected way.
And if you need or are looking for a compassionate mentor to help you on this journey, think about talking to a therapist. You and your therapist can go deep into the details of the way you feel, sift through the remnants of your past, and begin to rebuild the intact parts of your life. You should emerge from this process feeling not only in the present but also fully connected with your life.
Take a final note. Let not the emotional numbness define you. Take on the journey of healing, and find again the beauty of your emotions. The lively life you deserve is not far off.
Reference:
- Ma H, Cai M, Wang H. Emotional Blunting in Patients With Major Depressive Disorder: A Brief Non-systematic Review of Current Research. Front Psychiatry. 2021 Dec 14;12:792960. doi: 10.3389/fpsyt.2021.792960. PMID: 34970173; PMCID: PMC8712545.
- Kennedy TM, Ceballo R. Emotionally numb: Desensitization to community violence exposure among urban youth. Dev Psychol. 2016 May;52(5):778-89. doi: 10.1037/dev0000112. Epub 2016 Mar 17. PMID: 26986229.
