Parental Alienation Syndrome, also known as PAS, is a situation where one parent, often during a divorce, separation, or custody battle, consciously or unconsciously turns their child or children against the other parent.
Parental Alienation Syndrome can result in the child rejecting or showing hostility toward the targeted parent without proper reason.
What is Parental Alienation Syndrome?
PAS is a serious issue because it can deeply affect the emotional and mental health of the child, the parent who is being rejected, and the overall family.
The term, Parental Alienation Syndrome, was first coined by psychiatrist Dr. Richard Gardner in the 1980s. It is a controversial and complex phenomenon that has sparked significant psychological, legal, and social debate.
Dr. Richard Gardner came up with the idea of Parental Alienation Syndrome in 1985 after noticing that some children in messy divorces started to show extreme dislike for one parent without any clear reason.
Gardner claimed that this happened because the other parent was influencing the child’s feelings and thoughts, often saying bad things about the other parent or trying to keep the child away from them.
The parent who alienates is known as the ‘alienating parent’, while the parent who gets alienated is known as the ‘alienated parent’.
Causes of Parental Alienation Syndrome
PAS, being a complex situation, has variable causes. Some of the common causes are listed below.
Personality Disorders:
One of the primary psychological causes of PAS is the presence of personality disorders or traits in the alienating parent. Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and characteristics such as possessiveness, control, and insecurity are often associated with alienating behaviors.
Parents suffering from these disorders or traits may view the other parent as a threat to their control over the child and use manipulation to maintain dominance and control.
Their actions may be driven by a deep-seated need for validation, attention, or revenge, leading them to turn the child against the other parent as a means of satisfying these needs.
Abandonment Issues:
If one of the parents suffers from abandonment issues, they might fear losing their child to the other parent, and to prevent the child from forming a close bond with the other parent, they may engage in alienating behaviors to ensure that the child remains loyal and emotionally dependent on them.
This fear may have stemmed from their own childhood experiences of past trauma.
High-conflict Divorce:
One of the most common situations where PAS occurs is divorce, especially high-conflict divorces.
The animosity between the parents can create an environment where alienating behaviors can develop rapidly, as one parent attempts to punish or hurt the other by turning their child against them.
This often leads to a cycle of retaliation/revenge and escalation, further deteriorating parental alienation.
Marital Discord:
In situations of marital discord, such as infidelity or emotional and domestic abuse, an alienating parent may harbor deep-seated anger or resentment toward the other parent.
Unable to resolve these feelings, they may project their unresolved trauma onto the child, consciously or unconsciously influencing the child’s perceptions and emotions.
The child becomes a vessel for the alienating parent’s unresolved pain, resulting in a fractured relationship with the other parent. This dynamic not only damages the child’s relationship with the targeted parent but also impairs their emotional well-being and sense of stability.
Socioeconomic Stress:
Financial or other socioeconomic stressors often lead to the development of PAS. The pressure of dealing with financial hardships during and after a divorce can intensify conflicts between parents.
An alienating parent might feel more justified in their actions if they believe the other parent is not contributing enough to the child’s financial or emotional well-being. This may produce a feeling of superiority in their minds about being the ‘better parent’.
Grief or Loss:
Divorce or the breakdown of a relationship results in tremendous grief in people. It may result in an alienating parent channeling their grief into anger and resentment towards the other parent.
They might use this as an unhealthy way of coping with the grief. This emotional turmoil can lead them to use the child as a way to regain a sense of control and stability, by ensuring that the child sides with them.
Gender Stereotypes:
Established gender stereotypes exist in society, such as – mothers are the primary caregivers of a child. These types of stereotypes may often be used against one parent during the custody battle.
An alienating parent might exploit these stereotypes to justify their actions, arguing that the other parent is unfit or less deserving of the child’s affection and time.
Symptoms of Parental Alienation Syndrome
PAS manifests a large range of symptoms that affect both the child and the parents. These symptoms often reflect the psychological and emotional manipulation exerted by the alienating parent.
Effect of Parental Alienation Syndrome on an Alienated Parent
- Emotional Distress: The targeted parent often experiences significant emotional distress due to the rejection and hostility from their child. This distress can manifest as feelings of sadness, frustration, helplessness, and anger, often exacerbated by the lack of understanding or support from others.
- Sense of Isolation: The targeted parent may feel isolated and alienated, not only from their child but also from their social and familial circles. The alienating parent’s manipulation can create a situation where the targeted parent is cut off from support and understanding, compounding their emotional suffering.
- Difficulty in Rebuilding the Relationship: Despite efforts to repair the relationship with their child, the targeted parent might find it challenging to reconnect or rebuild trust. The child’s entrenched negative attitudes and the alienating parent’s ongoing influence can create barriers that are difficult to overcome.
- Legal and Social Challenges: The targeted parent often faces additional challenges, such as legal battles over custody and visitation rights, and social stigma. They might struggle to prove that PAS is occurring or to secure appropriate legal remedies to address the alienation.
- Questioning Self-Worth: The ongoing rejection and negative feedback from the child can lead the targeted parent to question their own worth and parenting abilities. This self-doubt is often a result of the alienating parent’s campaign to undermine the targeted parent’s confidence and credibility.
Effect of Parental Alienation Syndrome on an Alienating Parent
- Negativity: The alienating parent will pass negative comments or share bad memories about the alienated parent in front of the child. These may include derogatory remarks, exaggerations, and attempts to vilify the targeted parent, thus reinforcing the child’s negative perceptions.
- Involving the Child in Adult Issues: This happens when the alienating parent starts to involve their kids in adult disputes. While doing so, their main aim is to get validation from the kids and make them take sides. This further ensures that the child will lean towards the alienating parent more than the alienated one.
- Emotional Manipulation: Emotional manipulation by the alienating parent can include tactics such as guilt-tripping the child, promising rewards for negative behavior towards the targeted parent, or using fear and intimidation to control the child’s attitude and behavior.
- Restricting Contact: This can involve canceling visits, setting up barriers to communication, or creating obstacles that interfere with the child’s relationship with the targeted parent. By restricting contact, the alienating parent spoils the relationship between the targeted parent and their child.
- Hate Speech: Continuous hate speech about the alienated parent in front of the child results in the development of hate towards the targeted parent in the heart of the child. This leads to the child-hating the targeted parent without any personal reasons. The bond between the targeted parent and the child gets destroyed eventually.
Effect of Parental Alienation Syndrome on a Child
- Unjustified Rejection: A child may refuse to meet, speak to, or have any type of contact with the alienated parent. The reason is usually unjustified and is due to the negative manipulation by the alienating parent.
- One-sided Perspective: The child may idolize the alienating parent and demonize the alienated parent, due to the lack of ambivalence in his/her emotions. This occurs due to the constant degradation of the alienated parent by the alienating one.
- Absence of Guilt: The child may show no guilt or remorse for their negative behavior toward the targeted parent. This is often accompanied by justifications for their behavior that reflect the alienating parent’s perspective.
- Aggression: The child may exhibit aggression towards the alienated parent without any reason. The aggression can be mental or physical or sometimes, both. This hostility is often fuelled by the alienating parent’s negative attitude towards the alienated parent.
- Denial of Positivity: The alienated parent and the child may have loads of happy memories together in their past, but the child will deny or minimize all the memories. This denial reinforces the alienating parent’s narrative and further entrenches the child’s rejection.
Who are prone to Parental Alienation Syndrome
PAS has been found to affect a diverse set of people, however, some are more prone to get affected than the rest. Some of them are:
Alcoholics:
A parent with a history of alcoholism may be labeled as unfit to care for a child and become a target of an alienating parent. Even if they have overcome their alcohol abuse, the other parent may continue to use this past issue against them to gain the upper hand in influencing the child’s perception and loyalty.
Mentally Sick:
Parents with mental health disorders are vulnerable to having their diagnosis used against them by an alienating parent. In custody disputes, the alienating parent may highlight the mental health issues to question the other parent’s fitness to care for the child.
This can influence the court’s decision, potentially leading to the alienating parent being granted full custody. Even if the parent with the mental disorder is stable and receiving treatment, their condition may still be exploited as a strategy to gain an advantage, further complicating the dynamics of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) cases.
Autistic:
Individuals on the autism spectrum, particularly those with Level One Autism (formerly known as Asperger’s syndrome), are more vulnerable to experiencing Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). Due to challenges with social communication and interpreting social cues, they may be more susceptible to manipulation by an alienating parent.
Overtly Strict:
Parents who are excessively strict with their children are more susceptible to Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). In such cases, the child may develop a preference for the other, more lenient parent. This dynamic can make it easier for the alienating parent to manipulate the child, encouraging them to favor and align with them, which further strains the relationship with the stricter parent.
Superstitious:
When a parent holds highly superstitious beliefs and enforces strict rules about superstitions, it can create distance between them and their child. The child may feel uncomfortable or confused by these beliefs and, as a result, may gravitate toward the other parent who appears more rational or understanding. This can lead to the child favoring the other parent and becoming more receptive to their influence, potentially disrupting the balance in parental relationships and contributing to parental alienation
Treatment for Parental Alienation Syndrome
Psychological Evaluation
A licensed psychiatrist is required to assess the condition. The process included understanding the causes, severity, etc. of the situation.
Often there are other underlying disorders such as – anxiety, depression, etc. as a result of the stress and emotional turmoil caused by alienation present in the parents.
Psychotherapy
CBT
CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is commonly prescribed to people suffering from PAS.
For children experiencing PAS, CBT can help challenge the distorted beliefs about the alienated parent that have been manipulated into their brains by the alienating parent.
CBT can also be beneficial for the targeted parent, helping them cope with the emotional distress caused by alienation.
The main goal of CBT is to identify the negativity and change it effectively.
TIT
Trauma-Informed Therapy or TIT focuses on creating a safe environment where the child or parent can process traumatic experiences and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
This is prescribed when the parent or child has significant emotional trauma from the situation.
EMDR
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a therapy used to treat trauma, including the emotional impact of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). It involves recollecting traumatic moments while focusing on external stimuli, such as eye movement.
EMDR can be particularly beneficial in helping children and parents affected by PAS to process complex emotions, reduce emotional triggers, and rebuild healthier relationships.
Family-based Interventions
Family Therapy
This involves the therapist working with the whole family. The main aim is to work out the problems between the parents, rebuild trust, and improve the PAS situation.
Family therapy helps each member understand their role in the alienation process and work towards healthier relationships.
Psychoeducation
This involves educating the family about PAS, its effects, and the importance of mental health care.
A psychiatrist or psychologist may provide this education to ensure that the family understands the condition and adheres to the recommended treatment plans.
Pharmacological Interventions
Medications
Parents and children going through PAS may suffer from anxiety or depression and are often prescribed medications for them.
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) or anti-anxiety medications help manage the symptoms.
It should be noted that medication should always be used in conjunction with therapy and under careful supervision.
Mood stabilizers
If the parents or children have mood disorders, the psychiatrist might prescribe mood stabilizers to help them. Lithium is a commonly prescribed mood stabilizer.
These medications can help manage extreme emotional responses, making it easier for therapy to be effective.
FAQs about Parental Alienation Syndrome
Can PAS affect a child’s long-term mental health?
Yes, PAS can affect a child’s long-term mental health. It can cause problems like low self-esteem, difficulty forming relationships, anxiety, depression, and trust issues well into adulthood.
How does PAS impact siblings in the same family?
Siblings from the same family may react differently when faced with PAS. One sibling might become aligned with the alienating parent, while another might resist the alienation. This can further cause rifts between them as well.
Are grandparents or extended family members affected by PAS?
Yes, extended family can also be affected by PAS. An alienating parent may stop the child from having any contact with grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.
Can PAS occur in non-custodial parent situations?
Yes, PAS can occur even if the alienating parent is the non-custodial parent. The child may be manipulated during visits or through indirect means like phone calls, messages, or social media.
